death, destruction, and other ninja powers

I should be working diligently away at my dissertation. I have a lot of reading to do before I crack out the keyboard on the next section in this chapter on the interrelationships between reasoning, valuing, and meaning. But this has been eating at me for awhile, and besides, Unseen Disciple is starting to look more like a video blog or scrapbook than a log of my own thoughts.

So how about a little bit of a ridiculously-researched rant? Don’t mind if I do.

It’s been an intense summer. Achievements include finally getting a reasonable draft of a very difficult chapter in to my dissertation chair (and figuring out a better organization of the next two chapters, which condenses them into one long, but far more straightforward chapter). And I spent three marvelous weeks in Canada with my amazing gift-from-God girlfriend E and her kids. Marriage is on the table.

Marriage. Yes. Same sex marriage. That is a legal right in Canada, explicitly defended by federal law (2005’s bill C-38). Oh, and in Denmark (1989), Norway (1993/2009), Sweden (1996/2009), Iceland (1996), France (1999), The Netherlands (2001),  Germany (2001), Finland (2002), Belgium (2003), Luxembourg (2004), New Zealand (2004), Great Britain (2005), Spain (2005), and South Africa (2006)—all recognized unions, by the way, in New York, even though NY still endorses DOMA for Americans.

Of course, I’m an American, and the notion of my being able to be married to the woman I love, and to have full rights of a citizen—well, okay, resident national—it just amazes me. I wear this reminder on my wrist—1138—the number of citizen rights gays are denied in the US when they are denied federal marriage. Being able to marry and have a public affirmation of your commitment to the one you love more than any other is a wonderful thing. That you can marry in your church—available to many for years in many denominations—this is good. That you can have “civil unions” in Washington (a right being attacked right now, as fundamentalist Northwesterners take a cue from their California colleagues), that you can get married in a handful of other states, this is good. But even with a local recognition, there are still over a thousand rights denied gays merely because we are gay.

Outside of marriage, though, there’s simple human dignity, something denied gays in our former fearless leader’s beloved home state. We have DOMA and DADT, protecting the narrow-minded fears of fundamentalists. We have huge groups supporting, in their chosen ignorance (in their decision to let others think for them instead of looking up for themselves the evidence that is so ridiculously available to them in this glut of an information age), groups that endorse prejudice and ‘sexual orientation reparative therapy’ endeavours, on the assumptions that being gay is a malady, and that this malady can be ‘healed’ or ‘overcome.’ Forget what the careful research of diligent scientists and psychologists has to say (cf. APA’s 1937 study on homosexuality and this month’s publication on so-called ‘reparative therapy’ or change efforts). We have Pat Robertson and Jim Dobson.

I wasn’t going to go on this tangent (I was just going to hyperlink), but I have to. It’s relevant to my overall point of thinking for ourselves and determining whether the authorities we follow are legitimate. Promise. Consider some of the things our beloved leaders Pat and Jimmy have said.

  • “You say you’re supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don’t have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don’t have to be nice to them.”—-Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 14, 1991

  • “Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. […] It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”—Pat Robertson, 1993 interview with Molly Ivins

  • “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.” — Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992

  • “Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals—the two things seem to go together.”—Pat Robertson, “The 700 Club,” 1/21/93 (fH comment: oh, come on! What grade did Pat get in high school history? Gays were among the first to be sent to concentration camps, and weren’t released—since hated—upon liberation—or if they were, they were quickly rounded up and sent to work camps in the gulag.)

  • “Why are we so concerned about the bias toward the homosexual agenda in the United States? Because it has profound implications for the well-being of our society. Any change in the traditional understanding of the family will undermine its legal foundation and render it meaningless. If, for example, marriage can occur between two men or two women, why not three men or four women? What about between siblings, or between parents and children? How about one man and six women, which reopens the polygamy debate of 116 years ago? To change the definition of marriage from the exclusive union between one man and one woman is to destroy the family as it has been known for 5,000 years.” —James Dobson, June 1998 newsletter

  • “Homosexuals are not monogamous. They want to destroy the institution of marriage. It will destroy marriage. It will destroy the Earth.” —James Dobson,  from The Daily Oklahoman, Oct. 23rd, 2004

  • Sponge Bob Square Pants is a part of the “insidious” agenda of radical homosexuals (as is Tinky Winky), according to Dobson

Enough on that. Let’s look at the bigger picture.

  • AIDS is a homosexual disease. It’s God’s judgment on us—well, to be more careful, it’s our “reaping the consequences of going against God’s law” against us (there now, doesn’t that make you feel less evil? Don’t you feel this to be a kinder, gentler God to serve?) .

  • The death of US soldiers in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is God’s punishment to America for tolerating gays.

  • The combination of gays and Disney is evil. That’s because we’re a social ill.

  • Gays are destructive to society and should be deported from the US.

  • Proof of this? Gays enabled the attacks of 911.

  • Homosexuality causes natural disasters like hurricanes and tsunamis and earthquakes.

That’s because our very physical being is bad.

  • Homosexuality causes disease, so gays should wear distinguishing tattoos.

  • Thus, gay blood is unacceptable for donation, even in medical emergencies.

  • Specifically, homosexuality causes swine flu (though apparently heterosexuality isn’t frictious enough to be dangerous).

  • Oh, and just because it’s interesting, Soy causes homosexuality. Just so’s you know.

I think we should just come on out and admit it. As a lesbian, I have ninja powers. I got them in a secret meeting where we all got together and mumbled special incantations that empowered us with abilities unknown to heterosexuals. We control society. We control world health. We control the weather. Don’t try to change the channel. We control the horizontal. We control the vertical. We have so much power that when God’s enraged, he is too scared to attack us, but kills American service people instead. Sure, that whole HIV/AIDS thing. But the majority of people who die of it are heterosexual. God knows better than to irk those of us with ninja gay powers. We ooze destructive capabilities. Forget Chuck Norris. He’s got nothing on the average everyday gay. We can program VCRs so that they stop blinking.

It all makes sense, when you look at it carefully. If you allow gays to marry (especially vegan gays who eat lots of soy), then they will have lots of ninja-powered gay babies and because of them the world will be destroyed by bad blood, natural disasters, and the smoking ruins of civilization.

Gays take up around ten percent of the population. Suppose, generously, that eighty percent of them want marriage. So this deluge of gays would totally overpower the eighty percent of ninety percent of heterosexuals who need access to clergy and civil servants who officiate over marriage. Gays getting married will cause the destruction of marriage. Everyone will have to get divorced. Or will stop loving their spouses. Or will cheat. Or will no longer want to get married, since gays have so polluted it. The institution of marriage between one man and one woman has been the foundation of society for 3,000 years (says Dobson, et al.). Uh, don’t count Abraham, Isaac, David, Solomon or those other guys. Gays will destroy marriage, because we’re by definition not monogamous. That’s different than the serial polygamy of heterosexuals like Newt Gingrich, John McCain, and Rush Limbaugh.

I’m being acidic, I know. But I wonder sometimes if acid isn’t what’s needed to burn through the iron bars around so many minds, keeping them confined in the narrow thoughtlessness of homophobia. If, by some chance, people see the list of accusations and consider the difference between true causal connections and hysteria, if they see the absurdity that develops when these are taken en masse, perhaps my acid here will be potent enough to burn a hole large enough for a mind to escape from the cave into the daylight of Platonic understanding.

Uh, maybe I should get back to my dissertation, now. I think I need to spend some time with value and reason.


3 thoughts on “death, destruction, and other ninja powers

  1. Pingback: Posts about gay and lesbian discrimination (best posts combined for review) as of August 14, 2009 | Discrimination Law News

  2. vanessaleighsblog

    Thanks for your thoughts!!!! Acidic as it is, I also some days believe that is the only way to break through the rhetoric and misunderstanding. I work hard each and every day to create understanding and awareness with those that don’t really want to understand, or at least, have never wanted to before, usually in the name of religion.

    My love and I of 12 years hope to marry legally in our state of PA one day. Our daughter is hoping for that day as well. We have thought about going to Mass, or NH or VT to get wed, but would like for it to happen right here at home someday. Not that it will have legal standing federally, but here’s hoping….

    I will be back; thanks for getting me fired up on a Sunday!!! Peace, Vanessa


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